I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
