Duck Duck Cougar?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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