I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize