u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
