Apparently you make a good broom.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
