I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
