I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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