You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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