Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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