When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
