Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
