Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
