I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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