There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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