I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
