I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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