Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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