There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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