just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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