...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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