Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I love you.
Bad choice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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