YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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