I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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