He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
