I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
