Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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