i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Farmville is her only friend.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
