I want to make a zoo with you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
