well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
