I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
