Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My penis needs a shock collar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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