Pappa wants mamma naked
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
