so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
