I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
