I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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