I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
