I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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