And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
