Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
