So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
