A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
