just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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