He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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