my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
