someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
