Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
