Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
