I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
