Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
