I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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