They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
