I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
