New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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