paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
