I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
