Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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