my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
