a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
