I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
