oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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