"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
