Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
