Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
