Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
