I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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