i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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