I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She bit a glass in half.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize