Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
