Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
