No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
