I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
