She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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