Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby

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(304): View more from West Virginia

this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?

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(443): View more from Maryland

He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(219): View more from Indiana

If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"

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(212): View more from New York

Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.

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