But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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