3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
