I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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