If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
