I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
