I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
