OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
third nipple confirmed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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